The Trash Blog

Get Well Soon, Ben and Jerry

Dear Ben and Jerry,

We at the Trash Blog are grateful for your commitment to the environment and really great ice cream. We regret that we were unable to spend time together; no doubt you would have found our conversation scintillating.

This is the Ben and Jerry's Factory that we did not get to tour.

This is the Ben and Jerry’s Factory that we did not get to tour.

Given the circumstances we understand that you did not respond to any of our fourteen emails and that it was impossible to return any of our eight phone messages. We have to admit that at first we were a little bit let down by your cold shoulder, however once we put our prodigious intellects to work on the matter it was obvious what happened: we hope you get over your case of extremely contagious diarrhea very soon.

This is the special Ben and Jerry's bus that we did not get to drive.

This is the special Ben and Jerry’s bus that we did not get to drive.

Debilitating diarrhea is a horrible disease and we are sure that had you been able to venture very far from the toilet you would have invited us to a tour of your factory where you would have explained how you send your waste products back to Vermont dairy farmers who use it in their electricity-generating bio-reactors. Had you been able to exercise more control over your sphincter, no doubt you would have also told us about your settling pond where you let your fat-filled wastewater separate before sending it to the municipal system.

This is a little poster about the Ben and Jerry's wastewater system that we did not get to

This is a little poster about the fancy Ben and Jerry’s wastewater system that we did not get to learn about.

Just so you know, we did drive several thousand miles out of our way to visit your factory. We didn’t get any good pictures of ice cream waste and nobody offered us free ice cream. It also rained on us and we got pretty wet while we were walking around your grounds looking for garbage. We recognize that these things are probably minor irritations compared to the fire you are feeling in your bowels, but sickness is part of the human condition: life does go on.

These are the two guys that we did not get to meet.

These are the two guys that we did not get to meet.

In the interest of full disclosure we will freely admit that, in addition to writing a story about you, we hoped to land six or seven gratis pints of your wonderful ice cream. If by any chance you would like to make good on our hopes, you can contact us at your any time and we would be happy to provide a mailing address.

This guy, who was directing people in line for ice cream, was the only representative of Ben and Jerry's who cooperated with us.

This guy, who was directing people in line for ice cream, was the only representative of Ben and Jerry’s who cooperated with us.

But the upshot of this situation is that we are writing this sorry little letter to you instead of an award-winning investigatory story about you. We think the world is a little less than it could have been because of this. Anyhoo, no hard feelings. We both send our best wishes. Get well soon.

Sincerely,

Margaret and Phil

The Trash Blog

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This entry was written by Philip and published on February 6, 2014 at 6:30 pm. It’s filed under Businesses, Community, Organics, Trashblogging and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

3 thoughts on “Get Well Soon, Ben and Jerry

  1. Pingback: Salvation Farms | The Trash Blog

  2. Catherine on said:

    The extremely contagious diarrhea is confusing and draws my attention away from what I think you are trying to get people to think about. It is a very wonderfully, humble human post that successfully talks about something that is usually not so talked about in a humorous way- so that is great. But draws my attention away from issues of trash and reuse. And in particular I think I do wonder about companies like Ben and Jerry’s. It seems to be a company people want to love and think highly of because they claim to do good. – And people believe them. While at the same time when you guys go out of your way to contact them and go to see what they do but don’t end up getting ANY response to, what was it, 14 emails + 8 phone messages = 22 contacts, it does make me wonder. Does Ben and Jerry’s do what they say? If Ben and Jerry’s does- awesome! They and Theresa Snow and … give me hope and inspiration and are doing the hard, sometimes small and sometimes big work of changing our systems for the better. If Ben and Jerry’s does not in fact do what they say- first, disappointing but good to know the truth, second, frustrated with B&J, and third, it makes me aware of the challenge of following through and doing good.

  3. Pingback: Now THIS is a Mountain! | The Trash Blog

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