The Trash Blog

Take That Woodward and Bernstein

The biggest waste we could find at Tillamook Dairy was a baby loaf of aged sharp cheddar used as a wheel-stop on a small cart.


This is our million dollar incriminating shot of waste: I am sure that a much smaller wedge of cheese would have sufficed to keep that little trolly in place. And it looks to me like they even have several of these smaller sized cheese chunks near to hand. This kind of waste should be outlawed. I will not stand for such injustice.

We put Tillamook on our itinerary as a great chance to find out about the dark underbelly of frozen dessert waste. It was a lucky coincidence that the dairy served up more than twenty flavors of thick and creamy ice cream.

Before getting down to unearthing the facts about milk-based trash, we stood in line for our chance at globs of sugary fat. I had Grandma’s Cake Batter and S’Mores. Margaret had Oregon Strawberry and Tillamook Mudslide on a waffle cone. They did a pretty good job scooping out our ice cream, and nothing fell on the floor; no waste there.

Armed with ice cream, we headed towards the self-guided tour of the factory.


Witness the devoted investigative journalist hard at work: we shall leave no ice cream untasted!

I felt odd, clutching my double scoop ice cream cone, floating about with other people who have ice cream smeared about their faces. Most of the other cheesey devotees were three times our age, however we easily matched them when it came to chomping down ice cream.

There was so much cheese in this factory even the air was if we could only figure out why cheese is yellow in the first place?

These large blocks of yellow matter are none other than the famous Tillamook Cheddar. There was so much cheese in this factory even the air was yellow. Now if we could only figure out why cheese needs to be yellow.

We walked up the staircase to the viewing deck and below us, spread out like the vast expanse Mustafa showed to Simba, was the sterile metal-clad factory floor. Workers in hospital garb and hairnets (and beardnets for the kosher rabbi) repeated mechanical motions ushering golden colored blocks of cheese along its funereal path. Every once in a while the workers waved up at us. I licked my ice cream cone and gingerly waved it back. The top scoop was getting a little sloppy and I didn’t want to drop it.


More cheese blocks.

It slowly dawned on us that the Tillamook factory we were viewing was really just a showcase factory. If we were going to pursue the waste story here, it had to get a lot more investigative.

The most beautiful creature on earth eating ice cream

All those pipes in the background perform incredibly interesting functions and the waste involved in this process no doubt is a story that would command wide readership, however we were a little sidetracked by the ice cream. This story will probably require a second visit to the dairy and more ice cream.

But getting investigative takes a lot of energy. Ice cream called and so did the comfort of bucket seats in our car. I think the gift shop was calling to Margaret, but we made it out without dropping too much change because they didn’t have any postcards of cheese.

As we drove out of the parking lot, I rolled down the window so Margaret could snap an investigative photo of the Tillamook logo on the side of the factory.

Take that Woodward and Bernstein.

This entry was written by Philip and published on May 19, 2013 at 6:40 am. It’s filed under Businesses, Organics, Trashblogging and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

5 thoughts on “Take That Woodward and Bernstein

  1. Uncle Chris on said:

    This looks like the plant at which Christian and I stopped during our trip from your wedding to Santa Monica. Other stops included many on the coast drive through California, including the Hearst Castle, a half finished monument to extravangence and wasteful living.

    Will our intrepid investigative team, and the Holy Family, tread on the ground of infidels? We can’t wait to find out!

    On this Pentecost, may the Spirit be with you two!

  2. Cows. Now there’s a waste topic you can sink your teeth into. Where are Tillamook’s cows? Do they have their own or do they get their milk from local farmers?

  3. And since you mention Woodward & Bernstein, I want to know what those cows knew and when they knew it. Or, perhaps what they pooh and when they pooh it!

  4. Diana on said:

    We can’t drink milk UNLESS we know the farm, the farmer and the cows that milk comes from 😉
    Did you guys get a taste of any cheese??? that is what I am interested about!

  5. Pingback: Keep America Blissful | The Trash Blog

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